juilan:

step on a crack, break your mother’s back, Lil’ Jon got the beat that make your booty go clap

bakrua:

do you ever just discover a new band

and you listen to their song

and you can tell straight away

 and you just sit there in complete silence as your entire soul shifts and your entire being begins to beat intune to the sudden new music and your entire world opens up to all the new emotions that you’re going to discover jjust by listning to another humans voice

part-time-stripper:

a movie scene where the white straight hero is sitting in an interrogation room after being caught by the enemy and a female interrogator walks in and is like “after im done with you you’ll tell me everything you know” and he’s all like “you’re trying to seduce me well it won’t work” and she’s like “wtf no that’s disgusting im just a really good torturer not everything revolves around your fleshy white pogo stick goddamn” 

religiousdad:

bewbin:

spicysalamislammer:

bewbin:

I have a really bad headache. Medical side of tumblr what should I do?

smack your head into a wall until it goes away

ok i did that now there is a hole in my wall. Carpenter side of tumblr how do i fix this?

ya gotta fuck it

captainlucifer:

erocsan:

captainlucifer:

if a guy friend that you’re romantically interested in asks you out, reject him first as a test to see whether he’ll get angry and accuse you of friendzoning him or respect your decision and be willing to carry on being friends

Example of why women are fucking crazy hahahaha

i’m a man

weavemunchers:

Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you’ll see me doing the worm on the runway

figurants:

some people were born today. hello babies welcome to the earth. you missed a bunch of stuff while you were busy not existing. jbiebs did some things you would not believe

(Source: gooqueen)

ilovett:

the worst type of procrastination is the one where you’re totally insistent that you’re going to be productive, so you spend hours on tumblr, but refuse to catch up on tv shows or anything because “i’m going to work in like a second”

beefmilk2:

pansoph:

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

jerry is here